a chat about luncheon

["Alice Evans" <apyyae@nottingham.ac.uk>]

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Dear all, Merry Christmas, I’ve devised a little discussion…..

Enjoy,

…………………………………..

Alice and Nick3 (the armchair utilitarian) have invited some friends over to help prepare Christmas lunch, 

The Egoist: oi oi, where’s the bird, is it a biggun’?

Alice: well, wait a minute, can you justify eating turkey?

The Egoist: err, yes, it’s tasty and my pleasure soars with every mouthful consumed!

Alice: but what about how the turkey?

The Egoist: it’s a sodding turkey you fool, what the hell does it matter?

Alice: woah, slow down there buddy, let’s think about this…..

(the egoists groans)


Alice: can we agree that we should try to minimise suffering when we can do so at no cost to ourselves?

The Egoist: No!

The others: oh shut up, you heinous bastard, yes, we agree, probably…….

Alice: ok, right.. well, hear me out anyway..  

The Cartesian: i know where you’re going, but animals can’t feel pain

Alice: two points, plonker, 1) humans are animals, 2) turkeys have a central neural system, like you and I, so if you accept that I feel pain it seems odd that you restrict this to ‘human’ animals

The Kantian: ok, but their pain doesn’t matter, they’re not rational agents, they’re not part of our moral community, we don’t have duties towards them.

Alice: two things, twerp, 1) we must distinguish between moral agents and moral patients; children and the mentally impaired are moral patients, we consider their interests though they are not rational, self-governing bodies, 2) turkeys are much the same

The Speciest: but they’re (non) human animals! Who gives a Sh*t!

Alice: well, why is that species divide relevant? Surely justice dictates that a difference in treatment is merited by some relevant difference. So, think about voting, women and black people are both rational and have an interest in an accountable government and hence extend formal emancipation. Analogously, with the case of inflicting harm, if we accept the turkeys feel pain, that harm should be taken into account.

The Egoist: ah! But my pleasure is more important!

The Armchair Utilitarian: ah, but those turkeys wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for us consumers, fuelling the turkey industry

Alice: well, we certainly don’t have a right to abuse the birds just cos we ‘own’ them. You wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for your parents/ mad scientist but that doesn’t give them the right to sexually abuse you.

The Armchair Utilitarian: no, that’s not what i meant, the turkey industry produces pleasurable states for the turkeys.

Alice: twit. Several things, 1) most turkeys are kept in vile conditions, in vastly overpopulated barns (so they can’t recognise friend from foe, so can’t establish a social hierarchy so resort to cannibalism so they’re debeaked, to reduce instance of cannibalism, yet cannibalism still occurs, and de-beaking takes away their sensory endings, so they can’t investigate anything, so they’re buggered – this also happens in free-range farms). Also, turkeys generally take 24 weeks to develop, but suppliers can currently fatten the bird up in 9 weeks. This means that undeveloped limbs carry an enormous burden of weight. The birds strain and become lame. Did anyone see ‘Dispatches’? The BBC documentary? It showed how turkeys are killed. That was pretty rank. The birds were roughly tossled into some big truck, often being picked up by a wing and chucked head first. The film then discussed two options of killing. One, whereby then strung upside down, on a rotating thingy, rendered unconscious then died from a throat-slitter. Problem was, many birds escaped the unconscious making device, thus bled to death, conscious…

Urgh. Bleh. Urgh.

The Countryside Alliance representative: woah, ok, that industry sounds fairly scanky but it’s not all like that. Just buy organic and free range.

Alice: 3 things, 1) still pain involved in death, 2) still debeaked, 3) what gives us the right to impose suffering upon the birds?

The Countryside Alliance representative: the food chain, it’s natural!

Alice: well, violence is natural but we try to limit that, with law and order. Besides, most animals aren’t rational, they don’t have the capacity to engage and realise that they’re inflicting unnecessary suffering, we can.

The Countryside Alliance representative: Good heavens, your such a kill joy! 

Alice: ‘Fraid it doesn’t end there…

We should also cut out dairy from our diets. The dairy industry is a by-product of the meat industry. The calves produced become veal or pet food. Ethical vegetarianism entails veganism.

Furthermore, there’s great harm involved in the dairy industry. In order to lactate, cows are artificially impregnated and then separated from their newborn calfs (leading to inevitable distress) – this generally happens anually. Their udders are somewhat overworked: 60% of UK cows have mastitis and 20% of UK cows are lame.

The Countryside Alliance representative: ok, buy free-range and organic

Alice: 1) still supports the meat industry and 2) you still haven’t shown what gives us the right to demand and extract milk from cows.

The Countryside Alliance representative: they’re sodding producing it anyway

Alice: ok, can i go milk some breast-feeding mother? 

The Environmentalist: can i just add, cows are an ecological disaster. They use up masses of land, we need 8lbs of vegetable protein to produce 1lb of animal protein. Big waste of space. Grazing cattle requires cutting down the natural habitats of other animals. 

The Countryside Alliance representative: urgh. So what’s the alternative?

The armchair utilitarian (aka Nick3): i make my own rice milk!



For more information, click on the following links,

http://www.peta.org/feat/nc/

http://www.vegansociety.com/html/food/recipes/


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